I have a friend who’s obsessed with corporations. Give her a glass of wine, and she’ll spend hours talking about things like the “evil inherent in capitalism” and how “corporate greed will inevitably consume the world.” Often enough, she makes a convincing argument. Putting aside my opinion on that particular matter, I have to say that she might have a field day if given this latest incident that I’ve uncovered after reading a newspaper clipping sent by a contact in Texas. (And I mean “clipping” quite literally. As in clip it from the paper, shove it in an envelope, lick it and send it.)

Document #1: The story it tells, while innocuous on the surface, sends the hairs on the back of my neck into an electric fit. So I did what I always do when my spider-sense goes nuts…
I tracked down the press release.

“THIS IS SIMPLY A PRECAUTIONARY MEASURE, AND WILL HELP OUR COMPANY PREPARE FOR A REAL RECALL EMERGENCY.”

Even more harmless-sounding than the news story, I have to admit. But some things left me perplexed. No matter the nature of the contagion, isn’t it a bit reckless to discourage the return of meat that even might have been contaminated? Is there room for a “maybe” when the public health is involved?

But I don’t want to get sidetracked. The real issue is the lack of any naming of a specific disease. Not so much as a list of symptoms, warning signs, or clues to infection. Fortunately our friends in the press were on top of that. Here’s the initial news story that caught my attention.

“I’ve seen 7 patients who have also claimed they have a strong desire for the taste of raw meat.”

Again, it’s innocuous. Well, except for that bit about the afflicted craving raw meat. And even that is debatable. I, too, feel the occasional and almost unnatural craving for a medium-rare ribeye. But is the doctor even suggesting that these people are craving steak? While it may be unrelated, here is a recent police report from one of the affected areas. It details a police shooting of a Valley Meat delivery driver during an alleged home invasion.

“He had marks from three close-range bullet wounds, which I assumed were from Det. Coldwell – one in his chest, one in his stomach, and one in his shoulder. However, he did not act like he had been injured.”

Well. That’s a bit ghoulish.

The first two pieces are a little thin, admittedly, and reveal virtually nothing until those minute details are tied together with details of the shooting incident. And those bits are more than a bit curious. Still, either the driver was high on something undetectable, or something more sinister was gnawing at him — and could likely be plaguing others.

I’m especially troubled by the timeline hints provided by Dr. Ronnie. To wit: “…I am not clear if they ate Valley Meat products in the last week.” Implying that, at the time the reporter was researching the story, health officials suspected that people were being exposed to this contagion for up to a week. And as my contact chose to mail the actual clipping to me (as opposed to e-mailing it), this story was already more than a week old by the time I acquired it.

I’m going to call that corporate-hating friend of mine now. I’m curious. When she said that bit about consuming the world, was she being literal?

Either way, it appears that something’s rotten in the state of Texas.